If you read my last blog (I mean if you haven’t, go go go) you know that I love to use gas in the tank as a metaphor for the amount of energy that we all have to use as needed throughout the day. I mentioned that over time, we can each find and develop skills that are effective in giving us a little extra gas. I’ve also written about pressure. People talk to me about it every day: parents, teachers, peers, all wanting to do and say the right thing to best support their people in need. Throw it back to something I wrote about in March of 2021, validation still remains as relevant as ever and in my thoughtfulness about the topic, I think it’s something worth sharing. A great way to fill up your tank or fill up the tank of others is to go to the Validation Station.
Yes, that sounds silly. Yes, I clearly spend most of my time with kids. Yes, I’ve always loved to rhyme. We done? Great!
Story Time
I’m travelling to Madrid with my husband in a few weeks. Other than one amazing trip planned for us (thanks @Tripscaper) to Costa Rica last November, this feels like the first trip we’ve planned just us two for longer than a few days that is reminiscent of the travel we had together in our late teens, early twenties. One thing is for sure, there will be lots of walking.
Now with time, weather, and all the therapies, my body has been feeling pretty good lately *knocks on wood* Don’t get me wrong, my body still feels pain every day, but we’re averaging 6 or under on the scale. I recently purchased new running shoes and some comfortable flats to break in for the trip and yesterday I walked around my town in the morning and then the mall for a few hours with my sister in the afternoon. Lovely day, no major discomfort.
I woke up this morning and there’s no exaggeration when I tell you that simply the sheet touching the top of my shin gave me the goosebibbles (if you don’t connect the reference, I insist you stop reading to watch Happy Feet, like right now). No joke, a light fingertip swipe over my shin sent the alarm bells ringing in my brain. Visually, I imagine my brain in chaos like the feelings characters running around screaming at the end of the movie, Inside Out, when the adolescent boy is startled by a *girl! girl! girl!* Haven’t seen that movie either? Ya’ll that’s a good one.
Immediate panic: Oh no, is that a shin splint or a stress fracture?
That may seem overdramatic to some; although, that could be my mean brain judging myself without compassion. What a bully.
But it’s not without reason! Last year, I had physicians debating whether one night of light dancing at a friend’s wedding left me with a stress fracture or a really bad sprain in my foot/ankle. Either way, are you kidding me?!
Then onto the next fear and so it goes: What if I’m still injured for the trip? What’s going to happen with all the walking? I don’t really want to be in pain in Madrid. I don’t want to have to change our plans. Pain has already taken too much from me.
I’ve moved through a couple steps this morning already and wanted to share. It is short but certainly not simple. These steps don’t always come naturally and take practice.
Step 1: Don’t hold it in, that stuff is icky and you don’t want that mental gunk inside of you.
I was texting with said mall sister this morning who happened to be with my Dad (one of said physicians). After scolding me about flats, he helped me convince myself it likely wasn’t a stress fracture. Whew, a little better.
I texted my husband, who no matter how busy I know he is, always responds immediately and sends me a slew of messages only confirming him as my biggest cheerleader, no contest.
Now I’m writing about it, because writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings; thus, I can better and more easily process everything. Bonus: hopefully sharing helps one or two of you.
Step 2: VALIDATE
I am recently certified in Pain Reprocessing Therapy, but after a self-assessment, I’m not sure this pain is neuroplastic.
Even if I’m open to the idea that it is and engage in mindfulness and Somatic Tracking, there’s something missing.
Validation.
By skipping over that part, I’m missing an opportunity to talk directly to the negative thoughts that frankly at his point have me feeling pretty upset.
As someone with chronic pain, both structural and non-structural, my body & my brain are more prone to feel pain sensations. So, when I feel a twinge in my shin that some runners shrug off and take for a run, I feel panic and start thinking about all the negative implications of these sensations on my very exciting upcoming plans.
As someone who has known pain and lives it every day, you have to remind yourself that this is contributing to your physical and mental experience in the moment.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. This isn’t dramatics, it’s biology.
It is frustrating to walk around the mall in reviewed and endorsed, comfortable flats and wake up in the morning in significant pain.
It is scary to think about your future plans being compromised by something that has already impacted your life and decisions so much for so long.
Ahhhhhhh, taking a deep exhale even as I type these statements. I feel like someone just brushed my hair or put their arm around my shoulder.
Step 3: Now that you’ve affirmed those feelings and opinions, you can reach for those tools that you have accessible to manage them as best you can. See previous blogs for a list of options
When I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia, I found this online community, @GettingonMyNerves5k and the gem of a founder has a tradition of posting “Take What You Need” options on her story. I think it is genius and so soothing and supportive.
With permission from her and validation from my practice partner (see it really works!), I’m going to put a little spin on it and give you a virtual Validation Station, so you can fill up your tank with gas if you are running low. Check out our stories to see which one you connect with most!
Stay tuned because this Pain Psychologist is just getting started…