I would bet that most people have heard the motto: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. I fear that somewhere in translation, we all internalized the idea that small stuff does not matter, and we are behaving accordingly. I’m here to scream from the rooftops that SMALL STUFF MATTERS! I’m not standing on this soapbox because I am literally small stuff, measuring in at a mighty 4 feet, 10 inches (and 3/4!)! This comes up a lot in my therapy work with teenagers and when I include the topic in my presentations with James’s Warr;ors, the positive student reception is often noted afterward.
Each of our days is comprised of lots and lots of small stuff. Waking up on time, getting out of bed, washing up, getting dressed, eating a proper breakfast, making it through school/work, daily chores, interactions with teachers/bosses, peers, family, and preparing to do it all over again. Every. Day. If we don’t complete these day-to-day tasks, we’re often met with frustration, maybe from others, maybe from ourselves. There is an expectation that we should all be fully capable of completing each of these tasks in a timely manner, at the desired quality, and if possible, with a smile on our faces.
When we don’t do one or more of these things, we feel terrible, like we’ve failed, and often lose motivation that could propel us forward to some of the upcoming tasks on the agenda. I need ya’ll to take a step back and think about the effort that is required to complete the daily to-do list and what might impact a person’s ability to do so.
Let’s start with the day before: Maybe there was a stressful test or work project due that required more focus and motivation leading up to and more than normal amounts of anxiety during the task. Maybe because you are stressed you aren’t eating as much, or as well. Your sleep schedule might have been thrown off a bit, so you could be extra tired. That stress may have left you irritable, which perhaps caused some frustration between friends. Even just one of these very likely occurrences influences your energy level available to tackle the following day.
Metaphorically, I usually explain it like a tank of gas. Best case scenario, we all wake up with a full tank of gas. But if we have a bad day like mentioned above, you’re probably waking up with a little less gas. Then every little task you manage to complete is more gas out of the tank. For some, it could be the middle of the day when they are running on practically empty. It’s no coincidence that children are often a little riled up and more distractible when they get home from school. They’re running low on gas. Honestly, it applies to adults as well. I know there are days when I get home and my lever is on E.
People with chronic pain/illness may recognize this as the Spoon Theory, which is why many of us adopt the title of “Spoonie.” Similarly, it’s the idea that we all have a certain number of spoons every day that equate to mental and physical energy. When you run out of spoons, you don’t have much left for anything else.
Even if you don’t realize it, many of you already have people, places, and things that can fill your tank a little during the day. Once you figure out who your people are, what settings, foods, movies, songs, comfy clothes, and candle scents work for you, you can make little pit stops and truck-a-long a little further.
You know what else helps fill a tank?
Acknowledgement, recognition, credit, for the small stuff.
Rather than ignore, or much worse, shame a person for the everyday tasks they did not complete, why not praise a person for the everyday tasks they did complete?! If you can use the argument, it should be “no big deal” to change from pajamas to work clothes, brush your teeth, or be polite at the dinner table, then I get to say it should be no big deal to compliment someone for their tiny efforts. Many times, getting that recognition increases motivation (aka fills up the tank) and allows for more ease and less energy exertion to complete other tasks throughout the day that may have felt difficult or nearly impossible without a little extra gas.
We are all not so great at pointing out the positive things we’ve accomplished every day. But, with external reinforcement happening more often around us, our brains are more likely to catch and highlight the small stuff we are checking off our to-do list in a positive way. It’s a nice reminder to ourselves that we are doing our best and there’s nothing small about that.